…at least interpersonally it is. As noted in last month’s post “The Illusion of Trust”, nowhere are humans called to trust one another. The very building blocks of who we are as relational beings presuppose relational brokenness in and amongst us. The Scriptures assume things like offense, hurt, and misunderstanding, leading us to embrace the rhythms of confession, repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and hope.
Too often, these rhythms are not needed in our relationships because we are so shallow with one another. Much of that shallow way of living is because we don’t know who or what we can trust in another person. When trust is the ideal, the relationship by definition will trend toward shallowness. Our minds and hearts will subconsciously self-protect because if there is one thing we do well, it is hurt one another. To truly trust requires a place of safety and security, and we are not a safe or secure place for one another.
I’ve officiated many weddings and I so enjoy the point in the ceremony when the bride and groom exchange vows:
“for better and for worse”
“in sickness and in health”
“for richer or poorer”
“in good times and in bad”
Here are two people looking at each other so lovingly and basically saying, “I’m going to deeply hurt you and you’re going to deeply hurt me, and we’re going to stay in this thing together.” They are saying, “I’m not totally trustworthy to not wound you in some ways” and that is part of their vows!
But why? Why do they say such profound, emotionally aware, and vulnerable phrases? It’s not because they trust one another, they just said how it was going to be. They say these things because they love one another and love by definition is risk, and it too assumes that life is not going to go well but we are going to stick it out because we choose one another.
Corporate leadership cultures are not marriages (though family businesses know it certainly can be sometimes), but this same principle applies. When corporations choose to build cultures of trust, it is a lesser choice that positions leaders within the organization to
- either be deeply disappointed and hurt because that trust will be betrayed at some point, or
- live and work in shallow ways within the organization because that is the only way to be truly safe and my subconscious self-protections demand it.
Building a culture of love, though — no matter how weird it may sound because we have so tragically mis-defined love as a culture (and as a Christian subculture) — is a way better choice. If the entry-level employees, associates, team leaders, managers, directors, vice-presidents and C-Suite leaders embrace the assumption that we are going to work hard at this thing and at some point, it’s going to break and I’m going to hurt you and you’re going to hurt me, but we are going to work through it, that will foster a culture that is patient, kind, not envious, not greedy, not rude or arrogant, truthful, long-suffering, forbearing, toward and tenacious. Now that is a healthy leadership culture worth pursuing!
Thing is, trust can flourish in that culture, it just cannot serve as the basis of that culture. Love is better. Choose love.
